I am scared ….

I am so scared when I think about those lonely time I spent alone in New York City. I am so scared to think about when I come back to New York City next month, my life. would. be. the. same.

It’s never the same, but the same…loneliness…it’s so scary….so fucking scary…..

I am in self-doubt… New York is an illusion…….. All the happy moments are illusions, they fuck me up later and become my nightmare…

Happiness is a nightmare.

Life is a nightmare.

Feeling is a nightmare.

Be Human is a nightmare.

Nightmare is not real, it’s just a bad dream..

But aren’t anything I mentioned above are not real? They are all illusions.

My illusion.

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But am I really scared about it? Haven’t I gotten used to it already?

Aren’t life always disappointing ? Haven’t I gotten used to it ???

Happiness is a nightmare and it makes me dumb.